What does Good Sleep mean to you?

Written By Andreea Negoescu

When visiting this website you probably wondered why I called it The Good Sleep. Is it because there is also Bad Sleep out there? Sleep is just sleep some might think, this is what I used to say too. But when I found myself tangled in sleep challenges with my children and completely sleep-deprived because just hanging in there and doing my best wasn’t going to help my child anymore, I realized that I had to do something about it.

How sleep happens, how we feel during the sleep routine, where, when, and how much can all contribute to whether sleep is good or not. You might be familiar with the effects of a child not sleeping enough or sleeping too much during the day only to wake up in the middle of the night as a result. Or, when we change sleep environments and routines, some children might struggle to fall asleep as a result. Or when a child is not ready to fall asleep and we end up in a bedtime battle. Or, when we are emotionally stressed or upset during the bedtime routine, and, coincidentally some might think, that exact evening, the baby is struggling to fall asleep and seems more fussy and upset than usual. This happens because babies are attuned to our emotions and this can really affect their sleep. Sleep is messy and challenging and oftentimes can feel stressful for both the parent and the child. But there are ways to create the conditions for GOOD sleep and teach little ones GOOD sleep habits so that we, as parents, feel GOOD about it!

So what is GOOD sleep then? I’ll share with you my perspective from working with families:

GOOD sleep happens when:

  • Both the parent and child are calm, relaxed, and connected/attuned at bedtime

  • The child feels securely attached to the parent

  • The child goes to bed when they are ready, and by ready I mean appropriate sleep pressure and sleep cues that ensure their bodies are biologically ready for sleep

    (more about it in my post about ‘How much sleep does your child really need?)

  • The child has an optimal sleep environment

  • We follow a consistent bedtime routine that is adequately timed for the child’s age, temperament, and development

  • It is also backed up by appropriate physical exercise and nutrition

Do I hit the GOOD sleep mark all the time? Oh no, in fact, I made a ton of mistakes as a new parent (and I still do sometimes!). I followed a lot of unsolicited advice that didn’t feel right to me or just thought that the right answer was online in the ocean of contradictory sleep information. Yet, I wasn’t a BAD parent, I was just confused, uninformed, and disconnected from myself and my child. Eventually, once I tuned into my child’s needs and educated myself on evidence-based sleep, I was able to turn my kids’ sleep around and help other families do the same.

Do you have to achieve GOOD sleep all the time? Not all the time, it up to you, but if you get to a place of GOOD ENOUGH sleep, that feels right to you and your family, then my mission is accomplished. Remember that struggling with sleep and not knowing how to achieve a GOOD ENOUGH sleep for your child doesn’t make you a BAD parent. (More on this in another post about how we blame ourselves and think that we are not good enough mothers simply because our children struggle with sleep).

You are a GREAT parent for being there for your child every day and night and looking for ways to help your child sleep better! And GOOD ENOUGH has different meaning to you, than to other parents out there.

What does GOOD ENOUGH sleep mean to you? I’d love to hear your perspective.

XOXO Andreea

Andreea Negoescu